chapter 2 : Lost in the Crowd: When Solo Travel and Anxiety Collide.

---

Lost in the Crowd: My Worst Anxiety Episode in a Public Space

Hello, my lovely readers! This is Pavithra, back with another blog on MY TWISTED LIFE JOURNAL. Today, I’m sharing a rather chaotic and anxiety-fueled experience—one that made me realize how terrifying solo travel can be when you have social anxiety.

November 17, 2024 – The Day I Derailed My Own Plans

The day started beautifully. I woke up feeling fresh, ready to take on whatever was in store for me. And then, a message popped up on my phone from a friend:

source : the independent 

"Are you in for the plan today?"

"A plan???" I frowned, racking my brain for any prior discussions. Without thinking much, I replied, "I'm on."

And just like that, I was going to a cinematography event.

Dressed in an all-black outfit, radiating confidence on the outside, I stepped out of my home with a smile. My mom, however, wasn’t as convinced. She knew my struggle with anxiety in crowded spaces. She knew how easily I spiral when surrounded by too many unfamiliar faces. But I reassured her—and myself—that everything would be fine.

The Moment It All Fell Apart

source : iStock  

The bus ride to the metro station was smooth. I even managed to enjoy the view from my window seat. But the moment I got down near the metro entrance, reality hit me like a truck.

A sea of people. A never-ending wave of strangers pushing past me, walking in all directions, their voices overlapping into a deafening noise.

source : Pinterest 

I froze.

My breathing turned shallow. My heart pounded. My hands turned clammy.

source : Cleveland clinic health essentials 

It was as if my brain had short-circuited. I was supposed to walk up the steps, scan my ticket, and board the metro. Simple, right? But at that moment, it felt impossible.

I forced myself to move forward. One step at a time, trying to drown out the chaos around me. I somehow made it onto the metro, but the discomfort didn’t fade. Instead, it got worse.

I felt unbearably drowsy, my bag felt like a hundred bricks, and the sheer number of people in that tiny, moving space was suffocating. That’s when it hit me—I couldn’t do this alone. Not today. Maybe not ever.

I wasn’t even at the event yet, and I already wanted to escape.

source : Shutterstock 

Ditching the Plan & Finding an Escape

I got down at a random station, aimlessly walking out into the city, still feeling dazed. I ended up entering a mall—alone, anxious, and completely drained.

I could feel my anxiety peaking, my body screaming at me to do something to stop this spiral. So, I did the only thing that made sense at that moment—I ordered food. A Mexican rice bowl, to be precise.

With shaking hands, I texted my best friend, explaining everything. She immediately called and said, "Stay there. I'm coming to get you."

Hearing her voice calmed me, but only a little. As the call ended, I sat there, staring at my food, lost in thought.

The Realization That Hit Me Hard

source: iStock 

Sitting in that food court, blasting music in my ears, I had a moment of clarity.

If I let this anxiety consume me every time I step out alone, I’m going to be stuck in a cycle of fear forever. It’ll ruin me. It’ll limit me.

I needed to do something about it.

A Friend’s Rescue & A Small Victory

When my best friend finally arrived, I felt an instant sense of relief. I had never been so happy to see her in my life. The moment she reached me, I clutched her hand tightly, and we walked around the mall together.

Little by little, the tension in my body eased. My grip loosened. My breathing steadied. The overwhelming fear slowly faded into the background.

I was okay again.

The day might have started with panic, but it ended with ice cream, donuts, and French fries—courtesy of my best friend, who knew exactly how to make things better.

You Are Not Alone—Let’s Talk About It!

There will be times in life when you find yourself alone in a crowd, lost in your own thoughts, and completely overwhelmed by anxiety. In those moments, it feels like the world is closing in on you.

But trust me—you are not alone.

source : pngtree 

Anxiety is real, and it’s exhausting. But talking about it, sharing our experiences, and finding support can make all the difference.

So, I want to hear from you! Have you ever had an anxiety episode in public? How did you handle it? Let’s create a safe space in the comments where we can support each other. 

If this blog resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear this today. Let’s spread awareness and remind each other that we are stronger than our anxiety!

 Follow MY TWISTED LIFE JOURNAL for more of my personal stories, experiences, and reflections on life, mental health, and everything in between.  Let’s embrace this chaos together!

With love,
Pavithra

---